Beyond Positive Affirmations

If you are thinking of getting a divorce, you need to get the right mindset for every area of your life–positive divorce affirmations, really.

You are probably thinking, “that’s crazy, I’m so busy being mad at my future ex, and my mind is jumping from one topic to another. I’m crying; I’m crazed, I’m angry and depressed.” But wait: there is a whole list of practical and amazing things that you DO WANT…what if there was a way for you to manifest much of or all of what you DO want by focusing on those things, rather than complaining about how bad your life is going?

Using positive affirmations, you can transform the energy you are putting out into the world, and as you do so, good things will come back to you. The more relaxed you are, the better. Take a walk and be alone with yourself, so that you can get your mental “game” right–not to win, but to be your most authentic self and be as happy as you can be in the moment. Your true self doesn’t live in fear, but in love and appreciation of what you have been given.

A few strategies:
1. Use the Silva Method to relax, and when you are relaxed, focus your mind to positive thoughts. Examples: “I have all that I need and more.” “I can create as much wealth as I desire.” “This is a necessary life change that I welcome, because I know it is for my family’s highest good.” “I know that if my ex doesn’t want to continue this marriage, this is a reflection of him/her, not me.” “I am an amazing person and I am loved, regardless of other’s opinions of me.” “Conditional love hurts, but unconditional love feels awesome, so I choose unconditional love–from God, from other family, from friends who do support me and love me for who I am.”

(I will create future divorce affirmations on other topics, like if you are trying to reconcile, how to divide properly fairly, parenting arrangements, so stay tuned for those!  And, in the meanwhile, please visit a divorce site I created to help people create a fair divorce at www.real-divorce.com. There are 200 + pages of content about uncontested divorce, mediation, and more amicable and easier ways of getting divorced.)

2. Release your resistance–and this is BIG. Again, spend time relaxing, getting some focus, and feeling good about some part of your life. You can’t feel two different emotions at the same time, so if you choose a positive one, a negative one doesn’t take root. Forgive yourself for any wrongs you’ve done, and forgive your partner as well. Try to see both of you being happy, even if living separately.

3. Envision yourself in control of all aspects of your life, with you as the pilot. You control yourself, no one controls you, ever. The more you realize how you don’t have limits unless you put them on yourself, the better you will feel.  If you feel out of control, seek to control your own mind, because that is where control comes from.  This is especially true with dividing assets and parenting time.

The most amount of time, energy, and money is wasted by trying to control others during a divorce.  (“He needs to change his schedule.”  “She needs to make more money.”)  Don’t fall into this trap; control your mind, or you will be controlled by someone else. Make the decisions for yourself with yours and your family member’s highest good in mind.  The truth is, you were both always free to decide.

4.  Completely believe in yourself.  You are an amazing person; no one has ever been exactly like you.  Place value in you, even if your partner is laying blame (and this is just a distraction because they are not dealing with their own feelings appropriately) or finding fault with you.  No one is perfect.  That’s not a reason to end a marriage or partnership.  You are allowed to change, to be, to grow, to become whoever you wish to be, and you really don’t need anyone else’s permission.  In an ideal world, we would all openly just declare, “I’m going to do this…” and we would feel strong and secure about it.  We wouldn’t let naysayers get in our way.  The same is true in the midst of a divorce.  It’s only a crisis to get divorced IF your whole identity is caught up in your relationship with this other person.  When you believe in yourself, you don’t need others to validate you–unlike pop psychology, which focuses on validation!

So, put the focus BACK on you, how you feel about yourself.  Do you really like yourself, and what words do you use when thinking of yourself?  If it’s positive, great, then keep the words, but if not, change your mental script into more loving words.

5.  Get completely clear about what you do want right now, especially using “I AM” statements for your divorce, and take the time to meditate on these ideas frequently during each day and before bedtime:

• “I’d like clarity on this issue that’s important to me.”
• I am strong, I am flexible. I am safe. I am love.
• I am peace. I am changing. I am growing. I am learning.
• I am secure while I figure this out.
• I know God or source has my back.
• I like knowing that I have many resources (money, time, people, family, friends, home, car, clothing, food, services, education, skills, job, etc…) that I can use.
• I want fairness.
• I want my separation to be a new beginning.
• I want to use my feelings to learn what I really do want.
• Maybe it’s time I put my feelings first, and really listen to my intuition or inner guidance.
• I know I have a life’s purpose that I’d like to pursue and maybe now is the time.
• My divorce will be a good time to bond with my children, and learn what they really want.
• I know that my self control and happiness is first from now on.
• Getting happy and being my best in every moment IS important because it either creates a good mood or a bad mood for me.

6.  I know it sounds like complete nonsense to ignore bad or negative feelings, but the law of attraction will conspire to manifest the terrible fears you have and make them come true if you don’t.  The more attention you give your fears, doubts, and worries, the worse your life will become.  You will hear people telling you to protect yourself, or protect your assets, which you should do.  But it’s the mindset that matters!  Be as neutral as you can in all topics.

When a negative emotion comes up, like feeling a lack of security in the world, you must examine where security really comes from.  Did it come from your partner and now he/she is gone?  Or, do you help create the security and safety you possess?  When you look at the fear, you see the desire, which is to feel safe…but the feeling of safety really comes from within the self, never from another.  Just keep on changing the negative to the positive, as Esther Hicks reminds those who use the law of attraction, to pivot in this way to what you are wanting.

Once you do this a few times, you will realize that every emotion has an opposite.  Just begin to phrase things positively, rather than negatively.

7.  Focus on the good qualities in yourself, and then focus on the good qualities in your soon to be ex.  If you can think of your ex as being nice or gentle at times, you will be much better off than mentally repeating all of his/her faults.  The positive work you do NOW will pre-pave the responses you get LATER, so do this mental work NOW.  It will soften the person’s responses and reactions to you and what you want.

8.  Mediate and Meditate.  Mediate means you see a professional about creating some compromise that you and your ex will create together.  You agree and sign off at the end, usually after involving attorneys to review.  Keep on meditating and clearing your mind as often as you can.  Get rid of your mental clutter as often as it comes up.  Then try to enjoy anything you can, like the new opportunities that will be coming your way, or your children.

I am sure this topic’s controversial nature will spark some good conversation, and I do appreciate any and all comments about divorce affirmations, and how well they have worked for you.  If you choose to share, please tell about your resistance level as well, as that will definitely affect the momentum of your results.

Much love and blessings for an amicable situation for you.