Beyond Positive Affirmations

I’m so feminist–but not because I think women are superior at all. Instead, I just think all people, everywhere, are equal. So, I live my life believing that I can do anything a man can do and so can my three daughters. My husband can do anything I can do as well. And our relationship is a testament that we are living in inspiration.  There are many things each of us enjoy doing and so we don’t let society decide who will do those things in our family.

I try to live with the teachings of Abraham as my guide, and so I’d like to gently bring up this topic that boys being called a “pussy” by an adult is such a sore point with me. I believe this name calling practice (and calling anyone a name that creates a weak and a strong) definitely reinforces TO the future men of our society, that they are weak if they are like a girl….Have you also had enough of this judgment?  

There are lots of ways we know that can reinforce and strengthen a girl’s self esteem, but very few people are discussing the real issue here–that is the men of our society that are actually creating part of the gap in gender equality.

To me, acceptance of all people must take place, to make our world a better place.  It’s non-acceptance on all levels that creates the self esteem issues we see in children and adults.  You need only look at the number of children who say they have been made fun of because they are a certain color, nationality, religion, gender, or even because they were smart, they were a nerd, they come from divorced parents, they don’t have a mom or a dad, they were gay, they don’t have any friends, etc…These types of comments can come from anywhere: parents, teachers, caregivers, family, friends, neighbors, community members like coaches, or even strangers (by accident sometimes and sometimes because it’s the person’s true pattern).

Kids know right away that they are being put down, whether they are on the right side or the wrong side…in my example, boys being called a pussy would know that it’s not right to speak to children using that type of language anyhow, but even if an adult said that a boy was behaving “like a girl,” all the boys would feel a variety of mixed feelings.  I bet most of the boys would be saying that they know plenty of girls who are great athletes, some may know girls who are better than them at a particular thing…because gender really isn’t the issue.

The person doing the put down is essentially shaming the boy into feeling bad about not meeting the adult’s expectation (which is unrealistic) and the adult is using a form of violence (making one person better than another) to motivate the boy into changing his behavior.  The unfortunate thing is that the adult will also be influencing the child to change his beliefs about gender fairness AND his own self worth, which just went down.

We all know that when a person is making fun of, or putting down someone else, it’s really because that person has their own issues, so their verbiage and actions reflect their inner world…which is chaotic and angry, most likely.

I always think it’s best to take nothing personally and rise above the situation, but for a little kid, a tween, or a teen, even a young adult, that is easier said than done.  The law of attraction says that we are attracting to us what we are thinking about, so I know for sure that we have to tell ourselves positive things in order to move past this type of behavior in others…

For instance, if children are hearing an adult using words about gender inequality or some other type of put down, it’s best that the children know that they are loved and have worth, even if this adult thinks one group is better than another.  And that children have control over what THEY think of themselves, although they can’t change what others think.  That children are the peaceful future that allows everyone to be who they really are.  That children inherently know that all people are full of love and life until someone hurts them, and that giving more love can help the situation a lot.  Forgiveness is key to allowing the children to let these things pass.

If a child has been hurt by a very disconnected comment from an adult who was out of balance, I would love to tell this child, that getting back in balance means appreciating the good things in life, and knowing that all is well.  I’d like to tell this child to literally turn away from the hurtful comment (using the process of pivoting) and remember that he came to earth to live a full and prosperous life, full of happiness and good feelings.  Sometimes, it takes a hurtful comment to make us remember what we really want, and so I want to help him remember:

• He or she has many friends and family that love, love, love him/her.
• She has many gifts, some known, and some still growing.
• He is an amazing person, and there is no one else like him in the planet.
• She is loved, no matter what, and is fully supported.
• He can find his own alignment by believing in his own strength and self.
• She is more than what she believes, she is always growing and evolving and changing.
• He has passions and interests in things that will lead him to an inspired journey, unique to him.
• She is empowered to help others, and this is part of the intricate meaning of life.
• He is fearless, because all that he does is helping to bring fairness to all.
• She knows that bringing people together and feeling good is far more important than dwelling on negative stuff.

HOW TO HEAL:  All beings need love and to be loved, to forgive, to be appreciated, and to appreciate.  We can forgive the people who have hurt us, but then focus on the good feelings that we really do want, those that keep us in alignment with our source…We can be mad for a minute about someone hurting our feelings, but then realize we have the power to choose if we will continue to let that feeling simmer in us indefinitely…days, months, years, even.  And, we can remind ourselves that this comment was never about us, but about the person that said it, and we can forgive that person.  Then, we can feel the really good feelings that we do want, like worth, appreciation, love, peace, fulfillment, ease, fun, freedom, safety, equality, fairness, etc…

Of course, there are times when a child should be very up front and tell a parent or another adult that something unfair is happening (which is good because it protects the reporting child AND future children from having to go through the same types of problems).  I believe it’s important for each situation to be evaluated individually, because these are matters of the heart 🙂  I believe it’s better to take a risk and lose something important (like having a friend’s or an adult’s approval) than to live in shame, especially when the shame that can be felt by a child who is being worn away, little by little, can be deep.

I don’t believe most anti-bullying programs help children at all, but since schools are required to have them, they have sprung up in every school.  The only ones that work are the ones that are built on the foundation of self esteem of each child, rather than finding and reporting bullies.  I love the A Mighty Girl website to see many ways girls can be strong in various life situations.  And, for males, I would truly reflect on what language I speak to females–one of fairness TO women, or one of Power Over Women.

I’d love to hear your comments and am interested in ways to build self esteem in children!  Much love!